Memories
by WolfAngelDeath
Summary: Sam learns exactly what his brother has lost when his world was turned upside down. Set during DALDOM. oneshot


Sam looked around him trying to figure out where he was and what was happening to him. He stood in his old home staring at the big white house bathed in light and happiness. It was so… happy. He jumped as the door slammed open and he saw a much younger version of his father walk out of the house. His eyes nearly popped out of his head as his father walked _through him_. He saw a movement in the corner of his eye and turned to stare at his mother holding a small child that looked familiar. His mother waved as his father left for the garage to work. Then turning she began to talk to the child.

"Come on Dean, I think it's about time we woke Sammy up and eat breakfast."

"Okay Mommy."

The child, who he now knew to be his big brother wiggled his way out of his mother's arms and bounded for the stairs. He moved quickly to follow his brother forgetting all about figuring out where he was. Dean's head was where he was, seeing all this had reminded him about drinking the dream root. Now where was Dean was a good question. But that too vanished as he saw his brother approach a small crib and put his hands up, letting his mother know exactly what he wanted. His mother immediately picked him up and helped him to lean over to get to baby Sammy. He started talking to Sam immediately and the sleepy baby looked up at his brother sprouting a huge grin and reaching up to his brother, Dean too had a huge grin on his face and wrapped small arms around his brother like he did it all the time, and he probably did. Mary pulled back holding Dean who held baby Sammy and carried her children down the stairs to the kitchen. Leaning over again she let Dean put his brother into his baby chair and then sat him in his seat. Dean never stopped his chirping chatter towards his brother. Sam stood in the doorway and watched this much happier version of Dean seeing the little things like how his brother's eyes truly shown with happiness that Sam had never seen on his brother. Every emotion his brother had was as clear on his face as daylight. His brother _glowed_ with happiness. Small emotions would flit across his face as he told his brother everything he could about the world around him.

Suddenly the scene changed and his mother and father stood in the kitchen with Dean and they were obviously trying to tell his brother something important.

"See Dean, you're going to be a big brother soon, there's a baby here in mommy's tummy and in a few months he or she will come out and stay with us." Mary tried to explain to his brother whose eyes grew to the size of saucers.

"But, but why would Mommy eat a baby?" His brother asked panicked at the idea, "Why would Mommy eat the baby if he's gonna be my brother."

Sam let out a big barking laugh, it was just so adorable, and something he would have never associated with his big brother.

"No sweetie, Mommy didn't eat a baby," As his father tried to explain his brother immediately piped up.

"Then how did the baby get in Mommy's tummy?"

Sam kept giggling at his father's predicament. Either he gave his almost four year old the baby talk or some strange inane explanation that would hold his son off for a few more years. Suddenly his mother broke the awkward atmosphere and leaned over to his brother getting his attention and whispering conspiratorially.

"The angels put the baby there so that you could have a baby brother, cause they know what a good big brother you'll be."

Dean's eyes grew even bigger than they had when he thought his Mommy had eaten a baby.

Whispering back he asked, "Really?"

"Yep they know you'll take good care of him and protect him because you're gonna be such a great big brother. So you will watch over the baby like they look after you."

Dean's smile was blinding as he leaned over to his mother's stomach and whispered, "I'll always take care of you, promise."

Tears came to Sam's eyes as he watched the origin of his brother's need to take care of him. Standing there in the hallway of his former home he watched as his father's smile grew large and he picked up Dean, talking to him.

"Okay champ how about we go play some catch, sound good to you."

"YEAH." Dean immediately started to ramble on about how he was going to teach the baby to play catch too.

Once again the scenery changed and he was in a ratty motel room. He could see Dean looking no more than five years old standing in front of his father as John tried desperately to get his eldest son to talk.

"Please Dean just say one word, Sammy is talking for you, and he'll need someone to help teach him how to say all those big words. Please son, just one word."

Dean stood still looking straight into his father's eyes, with a sad look that should never be seen on a child so small. He had no idea where he was but his brother was neither the one he knew so well nor the bright small child he had just seen. Then he remembered the information Dean had let slip at Lake Manitoc. There had been a time right after their mother's death that Dean had simply not talked. That must be what he was seeing now, he watched as his father begged his brother to talk for him trying every possible way he could think of to make the boy talk.

The scene changed again and he was watching as his very pregnant mother read a book on the porch. Or tried to at least, Dean quickly bounded up and gave her a curious look snuggling up to his mother and turning inquisitive eyes toward her.

"Mommy, when is Sammy gonna get here?"

His mother let out an exasperated laugh, Dean had obviously asked this question several times.

"Soon Dean, just be patient."

Dean looked at his mother obviously not satisfied with the answer. The look quickly dissolved when his father came onto the porch, hose in hand.

"Uh-oh, Dean, run!"

Dean took off with a delighted squeal as his father got a huge grin on his face, taking off after his son. Sam was saddened as the weight of what had been taken from Dean truly set in, such a happy life torn from him when he was only four years old.

The scene changed again to another run down hotel, and Sam could see his father working on something and his brother helping him, he himself was asleep on the bed.

"No." Sam almost stepped back the shock was so strong as he watched his brother stand in front of his dad, not even half his father's height, in defiance.

"What?" His father sounded just as shocked as he was.

"No."

"Dean…"

"No."

His father sighed and looking at his eldest son with exasperation and tried to continue, "Dean, it's the only way…"

"No." The venom in that one word made Sam step back in shock. Never had he seen his brother angry with their father and it threw him into genuine confusion.

His father tried one more time, "Dean."

"You are not telling him."

In that instant, Sam understood. He understood the utter defiance radiating from his brother. He couldn't help but stare as his brother defied their father for him.

Dean was throwing him for loop after loop, and he suddenly realized he really didn't know everything that went on in his brother's mind. He was almost as clueless as a stranger as to all the things Dean had done for him; in fact strangers probably saw it clearer than he did. Dean was his protector, brother, father, mother, best friend, and anything else he had ever needed.

Dean had continually put up with him and been happy for him, and he knew that he could never live up to his brother. Dean was so good that as Sam realized everything Dean did, he knew he could never live up to his brother. Dean was just to great, and it saddened him that he fell so short of his brother. Dean deserved better than he could give, he deserved a home, someone who was just as selfless as him, he deserved better than the crappy motel rooms and isolation that was forced on him.

He could only stare as more memories of Dean's childhood appeared before him; Dean refusing to eat because they were running out of money and Dad hadn't come home yet, their mother tucking him in and telling him that angels were watching over him, happy and sad memories from a childhood he could never relate to.

And just as suddenly as it had all appeared he was back in the car asleep in the middle of the forest, and when he tried to wake up Dean it was Jeremy sitting beside him.

* * *

Words:1,544

Disclaimer: I do not own anything but the concept behind this one-shot.

R&R


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